The tag-line for Jason Buhrmester's first-time literary entrance, Black Dogs, reads like he has set himself up for an easy win. “The Possibly True Story of Classic Rock's Greatest Robbery”. It sounds like the best mystery novel ever made. The anticipation grows more when we learn that the story is based on the true-life events of a 1973 robbery involving none other than classic rock legend Led Zepplin. During a three-day concert at Madison Square Garden $203,000 is stolen from their hotel suite and no arrests were ever made in connection with the robbery. Robbery mystery? Check. Classic rock legend Jimmy Paige? Check. True story? Possibly. This back-story is better than anything CSI could ever have hoped for.
The story soon gets better with sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Patrick and his friends Frenchy, Keith, and Alex quickly scheme to rob Led Zepplin after their famous concert in New York. In addition to scheming, the boys also smoke pot, listen to Black Sabbath, and engage in sex acts with various women. An unfortunate series of self-inflicted events deteriorate the character's situations to the point where they have no choice but to pull off the most rockin' heist the world has ever seen.
Once the reader begins to realize what is going on, it is too late. You are several chapters in and nursing a wicked hangover. In this sobering state you begin to fully take stock of the situation. You may stop several times and ask yourself, “Wait, is this really a true story?” You flip the book over and examine the tag-line on the cover to re-read a critical word: “The possibly true story.” Turns out a “possibly true story” is the same as a fictional one. While Led Zepplin did loose a load of cash in New York, the Baltimore teens who rocked out so hard in order to pull off the heist are fictional. Now everything begins to make sense.
Lets get back to the gratuitous drugs and sex at the beginning of the novel. On one hand, it is perfectly understandable why this material was included, and it makes sense with the 'rock and roll' lifestyle the story is trying to portray. It also makes sense as an easy lure for 16 year old boys to keep turning pages. From a female reader's perspective it seemed a bit like a highschooler's wet dream and with one-liners like: “'No problem.' She giggled cooly, sipping her beer. I lay down next to her and by 'Ruby Tuesday' we were making out.”, it's not exactly classy. That wasn’t even the largest problem with it. We are not taking a peek into the notoriously devious lifestyle of classic rockers like Paige or Osborne. These are run off the mill deviants, retail workers, and small-time criminals we are talking about here. If we can take anything from these scenes, it's that stealing stuff and smoking pot will still get you laid.
You may be inclined to think the Ocean's Eleven style assembly of would-be theifs is a clever plot driver. It could be argued that Mr. Buhrmester came to this same conclusion after watching 2007's Ocean's Thirteen when it arrived with his other Netflix selections. By the third installment of the Ocean's series, nearly every one of Buhrmester's readers been thoroughly desensitized to this approach. It could still work, but where Ocean had a group of well-prepared, interesting, and skilled people from around the world Patrick has a group of seemingly inept local misfits with the only interesting thing that defines them is highly amplified distortion and extended guitar solos.
Despite everything that is going on around them, there is very little growth from these characters. The uninspiring descriptions used at the start of the book are as true at the beginning as they are at the end. The person best suited to this novel is someone who will enjoy anything where Jimmy Paige makes an appearance. Connoisseurs of grit will be disappointed by the detail, mystery lovers will be let down by the mystery, and everyone else will probably continue reading hoping for more sex and drugs.
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